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Michael Jackson is Not Hot First Things First: I do not give a flying fucking rat's ass to the moon about Michael Jackson. I don't want to know about his kids; I don't want to know about his friends; I don't want to know about his life; I don't want to know that he exists. I do very much want to know that the next time I turn on the television, the next time I fire up the internet, the next time I turn on the radio (which of course, never happens, 'cause they only play shit anyway), I will not have to see, read, or hear anything about him, because FINALLY, the world has realised that he is irrelevant. He is a sad little person who has made himself a disgrace to humanity, who should be proud to be a black man, but for some reason, insists on looking like a smack-addicted middle-aged white woman. Yes, perhaps his childhood was not the easiest, but I know many people who'd love to have had it. Yes, perhaps it's difficult being constantly in the public eye, but I know many more people who'd love to be there. No, of course, you cannot deny that the circumstances of your life have an effect on you, but you CAN choose how you move on from that point. Own who you are, own your life, and deal with it. Are the American people still interested in him? I hope not. If so, that's a devastating, tragic commentary on what this nation has become. King of Pop, my arse. I wish desperately that he would just quit whining and disappear. Moving on, but staying close to the set, I have to confess I'm eating this "Hot or Not" show up with a spoon. It's SO much fun to step outside my usual self and relish the opportunity to be completely, utterly superficial. Suddenly, rather than, "Must have brains to go with body, else you'll be nothing more than a fuck, and I'll probably feel bad about that," I get to think, "The less you talk, the better, 'cause this is all about figuring out whom I'd just wanna fuck...and fuck...and fuck." That said, I think the judges' preliminary decisions on last night's contestants were TOTALLY wrong on a number of counts. They cast aside some truly babe-o-licious beauties and let some truly trashy tripe into the second round. In their final decisions, however, I suppose they did alright with what they had. (I'm thinking about this both because I was scribbling notes to myself last night during the show (Quelle surprise!) and because I've just come from voting on the abc.com website, which I encourage everyone to do. It is your right, ya know! My choices this week were Kevin the 18-year-old club promoter who seems like such a sweet boy and really held himself together well for his youth and Chantille the 24-year-old student from N'awlunz who just reminded me of some of the reasons why I have such a weakness for Southern women (It has nothing to do with my being raised by them). I do feel I need to take a moment to discuss the judges, however. Now, Rachel Hunter is hot. No doubt about it. I've definitely seen the lady look better than she's been lookin' on the show, but I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say it must just be 'cause she been lettin' that idiot who sits to her right do her styling. I know she can still fog my sunglasses with the best of 'em. Speaking of that idiot to her right, Fashion Dude whose name I can't even seem to remember, who the fuck is he?! Now, I'll admit that he does seem to have a pretty good hold on the concept of universal aesthetics, but I'm pretty fashion-conscious, and I don't think I'd ever even heard of him prior to this show (as evidenced by the fact that, as I pointed out earlier, I cannot remember the dude's name). Also, he's definitely NOT hot. Finally, we come to Mr. Laser-Pointer himself (I'm lovin' that double-entendre, by the way), Lorenzo Lamas. Where can I begin to tell the story of just how this man has fallen? I only vaguely remember FALCON CREST from my childhood, as I wasn't usually permitted to stay up that late, and such programming (I seem to recall it was preceded by DALLAS) was considered too risque' (one day I'll learn to do French accents properly in HTML, too, but not this week, apparently) for my age, but I do recall that he was considered a hunk at the time. I even used to occasionally watch the TV series RENEGADE, in which he played a badass on a motorcycle; it was pretty alright. But oh, Lorenzo, how times have changed, and how you've aged! I do believe the man has spent too much time tanning, as he now slightly resembles Tommy Lee in his washed-up-ness, and those excessive highlights, which I suppose he might be using to try to conceal the greying in his hair, are just awful. Hot he's not, and I can't decide if his crass remarks (last night, he told one female contestant that he'd like to go up and greet her, but he'd knock over his water glass) are amusingly politically incorrect or frightening and lecherous. The American Broadcasting Corporation could most definitely have come up with better authorities, more iconic figures with more legitimate CVs, to determine who's hot. Ah, well, I think it all has to be taken in the humour in which it is intended, which some contestants aren't managing so gracefully, though one of the "Not"s whom I definitely found "Hot" seemed to have his head on pretty straight about it with his commentary under the closing credits last night, when in imagining the questions from his acquaintances ("How'd you do?") he jovially blew a raspberry and gave the thumbs down sign. I guess being able to laugh at yourself frequently wins you hot points in my book. ;-) r
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