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Cover-Up? I figure after the porn-fest that was my last entry about finally fixing that jonesing for ass (Okay, who am I kidding? That jonesing is decidedly NOT fixed; not a half-hour ago, I had to slide my chair all the way under my desk to cover the fact that I'd gotten a full-blown hard-on. I cannot remember the last time I was so horny so frequently. Depression? Spring? I don't know.), I'd better write something a little more self-redemptive. I'm not sure I can. I've been reading other people's diaries today, and sometimes it pisses me off that the people I like to read most don't update all that often. That's really stupid, as I know very well that people have other things to do, or they just don't have anything to say, and why say anything if you're saying nothing? That usually pisses me off even more. So I started reading other people. It occurs to me that my writing in here is ultimately, technically, not very good. I tend to just ramble and rant in a grand stream of consciousness, and usually, there's not even anything particularly poetic about it, M. Proust. Anyway, one of the people I've been reading had an entry about how he gave the URL of his diary to one of his friends and began to regret it. I may well be in the same position. I wonder if Susan is reading this. It disturbs me to think that she might read the previous entry. Much as I love my friends and as cool as I know they all are with the various chaotic aspects of my life, I do try to shield certain ones of them from certain details. Ah, well, I guess I'll just hope she's got better things to do. In other news, I probably won't be updating for the next two days. I've got some stuff to do that will prevent me. Here are some random thoughts: 1. People should try harder. This includes me. Heaven only knows what we might accomplish if we just fucking tried. (This does not mean that those people who are trying so desperately hard to fit in social situations should try harder, because that would just make the rest of us more uncomfortable around them than we already are. They should try to find a way to get more comfortable with themselves. Similarly, Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush should not try harder to be megalomaniacal madmen; they should try to find a very public, inexpensive, swift and appropriately apologetic way to commit suicide. Ultimately, trying harder is all about making the world a better place, you see.) 2. The fact that we are now at war does not, in fact, mean that those who are opposed to war ought to shut up and support the president and his actions. I've been reading so many people spouting that bullshit, and yes, we should be supportive of the people who are doing what they have to do over there, particularly by insisting that they be brought back home safe as soon as possible. Saying I should toe the party line when the party has done something which I find unconscionable and to which I have strenuously objected throughout, though, is rather like saying that if I object to being run over by a steamroller, after the driver of that particular piece of machinery has made his decision to run over me despite my having done everything in my power to influence him against it, I should suddenly change my mind and encourage him, shouting, "Rah-Rah!" whilst he runs me over. What a fucking crock! Americans who think that just because an action has been taken on their behalf they ought to be thankful for it are cretin lemmings. Grow a spine, mother-fuckers! Stand up for what YOU believe in, not what you're told to believe. How, from where we started, have we arrived HERE?! Jefferson is doubtless rolling over in his grave. 3. Don't be offended if I remove you from my list of favourite diaries. I'm probably still reading you; it's just that I want my list of favourites to be pretty short, and I constantly re-evaluate people's positions in that list. It's not a competition; it's not a personal thing; there's no sense TRYING (in this case, that would fall under the bad kind of trying) to impress; either what you're writing is happening at regular enough intervals to keep my attention and resonating enough with me for me to feel I should recommend you to others, or it isn't. And ya know what? If it isn't, you're probably safer, in some ways. I have a history of being attracted to unhealthy things (alcohol, porn, prostitution, cigarettes, marijuana, unaffordable expenses, utterly hedonistic living, sex with strangers, large quantities of fattening foods, all the wrong people). On the other hand, I also have a great eye for beauty, so who's to say what's healthy is always beautiful or what's beautiful is always healthy? Anyway, I don't think anyone actually cares if I list him/her as a favourite, but just in case, know that it don't mean a thing...Just that I think you're in the middle of saying something I want other people to read at the moment 'cause it reflects something to which I relate. 'Nuf said. 4. Today, I brought the following CDs to work (and have not managed to listen to all of them): Shawn Colvin, A FEW SMALL REPAIRS; Madonna, MUSIC; Alison Moyet, HOMETIME; Cowboy Junkies, THE TRINITY SESSION; Mary-Chapin Carpenter, SHOOTING STRAIGHT IN THE DARK; Tori Amos, SCARLET'S WALK. I brought the following to go practice sight-reading after work: Piano/Vocal Selections from Stephen Sondheim's COMPANY (Okay, that's not really sight-reading, as I've played the show, but I don't know these particular arrangements, and that was 1997); Robert Schumann, KINDERSZENEN (Scenes from Childhood are not always easy to play; this'll be the second trip through those, and I think I'm only going to play the hard ones this time); Mozart, COMPLETE PIANO SONATAS (No, I do not intend to read through them all this evening; I figure I'll just turn to random pages and play what's there); Bach, THE WELL-TEMPERED CLAVIER (same comment as Mozart); Bartok, FIFTEEN HUNGARIAN PEASANT SONGS (I SHOULD be able to get through that one, I think). The question is whether I'll feel like going and playing the piano for a couple hours after work, knowing that I'll be doing it for about eight hours a day for the next two days. We shall see. 5. Verbal Self-Portrait: 6 feet tall; messy-preppy brown hair; sea-green eyes just like my Mother's; creamy white skin, often tinged pink; thoughtfully angular Anglo-Norman Celtic (read: Irish) facial features; currently weigh in around 175, decent build, working on more muscle; I'm a geek-chic preppy fratboy with a royal prankster vampire living inside. Does that work? It just occurred to me I'd never done that in this diary, and lots of people do, so there it is. It's nearly 5. Forget the haircut; I've spent several hundred dollars this week already. Right now, I just want to leave, so I think I will. L8r. r
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