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Spring Neurosis 01 July 2003 4 15:19 This life is flawed; I want a new one. Mental Illness. This is overflow and a clove cigarette. I Am So Afraid & Alone. I don't know what's going on. Once I was never here. I cannot sit still, yet I want to do nothing. My car needs serious repair, But I cannot afford the money. I need more money. I need more love. I need. I Need. I NEED. More! I cruise EVERYONE. "Why don't you love me?" (You COULD be The One, but you won't be.) Want to write. Want to vomit. Didn't have dinner last night? Or breakfast this morning! No ice-cream 'til 11. Couldn't find khaki socks this A.M. Wearing white. Tres gauche. I did not mean to go in to work stoned this morn. "O where, o where has my work ethic gone? O where, o where can it be?" Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful Day. Butterfly. Moth. Flit, float: Spring. Tonight I shall bleach my hair. I want to walk in the sun. Join me in my travels? I don't like insects; get away from me. Nothing natural with more than four legs or fewer than two. Stop biting me. Stop Biting Me. STOP BITING ME! Jingle-jangle, the Rain Dog's brain is addled. Illegible. Unintelligible. Voice to the Neurosis. Mr. Yorke is the exception to the rule; He is not afraid to lose it in public. Must read interviews. "I'm a reasonable man; get off my case, Get off my case, get off my case..." I want to redo. (That guy's shirt is JCrew.) Study harder. Major in something else. Join a fraternity. Play sports. Row crew. Work out regularly. And be hard. Fuck more the right people (fewer overall). Marry! Kids. Not smoke. Need less. This weekend: Boston. Next weekend: ?. Following weekend: Maine. For two weeks. (Sort-of.) And then August. Worthless. Help me. Please. Slightly less than one year's notice. Whip me, crown me with thorns. Crucify me, slash my wrists. Pierce my side, and let it all bleed away. r Last Dispatch - Next Dispatch