Current Filed Dossier Scribbles Telegrams Briefing Patron

The Secret of My Neurosis 06 January 2005 4 12:34 Why am I always on the edge? Why am I always on the EDGE?! Why am I always on the edge and never in the CENTRE, Damnit?! Is it because I'm Just Not Good Enough, or because I just won't jump? Sometimes, I think the former, but lately, I think the latter. And that is the substance of the neurosis that gives me a minor panic attack every fucking afternoon. Were I to engage in a "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon Separation"-esque name-dropping binge on here, the results would be truly shocking. Actually, no, what would REALLY be mind-bending would be trying to figure out why I'm sitting here on my fattening ass behind a desk in the Financial District all day (and mostly only going to be what really I am at night). (RE: "My Fattening Ass" So much for at least some of that weight I lost when I first got to the City. Apparently, sleeping fitfully and for short periods of time on somebody else's couch and fucking a lot and stressing about not having work and eating only one meal a day makes one a lean, mean machine of some sort, but sleeping very little on one's own mattress on the floor of one's own as-yet-still-not-unpacked-and-organised bedroom and fucking a bit less and stressing about having too much work (which is the reason for both the lack of sleep and the reduced fucking) and eating only one meal a day makes one a less lean, more mean machine of quite a different sort.) AAARRRGGGHHH!!! FUCK! DAMNIT! (Hmm...That's approximately what I said this morning in the shower when I smacked my head against the ceramic tile wall whilst rinsing out my ears.) r Last Dispatch - Next Dispatch