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...forgiveness? That seems to be a recurring theme in the notes I'm scribbling in the notebook lately. Last night, after post-rehearsal drinking and dinner, in a tequila and beer buzz, my friend Lynn revealed to me that her ex-girlfriend Andrea is seven weeks pregnant and is having an abortion today. (For some reason, whether because abortion has become, societally, such a commonplace occurrence, or because I was under the influence, or because I don't particularly feel that an embryo at roughly one sixth of the development ideally achieved before birth is yet a full-fledged living organism, this didn't much disturb me.) Andrea had been on the pill, but as I learned from the fact that two of my cousins have conceived more than one of their children while on the pill, that form of birth control does NOT always work. Further, guys who don't want children or sexually-transmitted diseases should just get used to the reality of fucking with latex. I certainly have, and I can say from experience that if you've consistently been smart and never done it any other way, you don't notice a difference. The instant you do it without one, though, you're fucked -- and quite possibly in more ways than one. Lynn was upset because when she and Andrea had been together, she loved her in such a way that she wished they could have children that way. I'm not sure Andrea felt the same. I know Lynn much better than I know Andrea, but I also know that Lynn was supposed to go to New York today to spend some time with old friends, and now, because she fears that Andrea might need to talk to someone who also possesses a uterus about the whole abortion experience, she's not going. I find this offensively absurd for a handful of reasons. Lynn has a cell phone which Andrea could call if she needed to talk to another woman. I imagine Andrea's boyfriend is going with her for support in this. And call me an asshole if you will, but where the fuck was Andrea when Lynn was in the hospital suffering from severe depression, partly effected by Andrea's sudden ending of their several-year-long releationship? Very likely getting fucked by her now-boyfriend. My sympathy for her is not great. Lynn just doesn't think I've ever loved anyone that much. Maybe she's right, but when I was with Jane, despite being a rather bad boyfriend, because I was only a child and did all the things a woman probably wants her man not to do and very few of the things she likely wants him to do, I certainly thought about the two of us eventually having children. I flew halfway around the world to be with that woman, and after things fell apart (which was largely my fault, though she made her share of mistakes, too), I flew halfway around the world to try to make things right with her, despite knowing that she probably wasn't going to speak to me. What happened is irrelevant now, though maybe I'll write the whole story out someday for posterity, as she is (hopefully happily) married to an architect who lives in Seattle and grew up near where I did and went to the same college my father attended. I am, in my opinion and probably a number of others', far more attractive than he is (I saw them on the street together once, when she was in town for her brother's commencement ceremony, and I stumbled upon a picture from their wedding on the internet a few months ago), but that, too, is irrelevant; just as love alone is not enough, physical attraction by itself is not enough. The last time we spoke was about six years ago. I would've forgiven Jane for running over me with a truck, though. Yeah, I loved her that much -- like nobody else before or since. So unless you know somebody I could love that much (and I do believe I still have the capacity) and who'd love me back in like fashion, don't fucking ask me about my being single. And please understand and forgive me if I'm sometimes not inclined to listen to you talking about your bliss in or your problems with your relationship. r Now Playing: Radiohead, Kid A
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